During the current global pandemic, I’ve heard many parents complain about how they are always shouting because they feel like they have no control over their kids.
I was lucky enough to already know about positive parenting, and believe me, it’s a skill that changed my life! So, I thought it would be good If I told you the reasons why positive parenting is important. In truth, I believe it’s an essential ingredient to achieve a happy family and raise respectful, confident children.
Why Positive Parenting Is Important
Some years ago, I discovered a concept that completely changed how I saw and treated my children, and how I, being a young and inexperienced dad back then, would understand and live my new role…
It turned me from someone who was often getting frustrated and yelling into someone who virtually never raises their voice – in anger at least.
When we become parents, the responsibility we’re suddenly given is huge! Yet we get no compulsory training, no exams to pass, no diploma to say we are equipped for the task at hand. So how are we supposed to know the right way to do everything? The short answer, we’re not. It’s up to us to learn how and usually, this is by trial and error.
Spoiler Alert: There is a way around that “trial and error” phase. Kids don’t come with a user manual! But there is an amazing online course called Positive Parenting Solutions and you can learn more about it by reading my full review here.
Most of what we do as parents stem back to how we were treated as kids. Our parents are our guide and often not a very good one. If you remember being yelled at, unfairly punished, humiliated, and belittled, you’re far from alone. As much as those things deeply hurt us, the pattern still repeats, and we find ourselves doing the very same things to our own children. The reason for this is because we don’t know any other way.
Benefits Of Positive Parenting
Using positive parenting techniques, we can avoid so much suffering. They allow us to become better parents, stop the vicious cycle and raise a happy, loving, nurturing family.
In a parenting article by Psychology Today, links were made that associated positive parenting with higher school grades, fewer behavior problems, less substance use, better mental health, greater social competence, and more positive self-concepts.
That’s pretty impressive, but let’s take a closer look at some of the other benefits and discover more about why positive parenting is important.
Benefit #1: Strong Bonds
A positive parent is one who is sensitive towards their child’s feelings, responsive to their needs, and consistent with their interactions. They work to build a healthy, happy relationship that results in a strong bond and consistently more positive child behavior.
The National Institute of Health says that children who build a strong emotional bond with their parents can better manage their behavior and feelings. They develop greater self-confidence and can cope with more of life’s challenges.
Dr. Carol Metzler of the Oregon Research Institute said, “When parents engage positively with their children, teaching them the behaviors and skills that they need to cope with the world, children learn to follow the rules and regulate their own feelings.”
Benefit #2: Setting The Right Example
Just as shouting and yelling can set a bad example for your children, so positive parenting can set a good one. Children mirror what they see and experience, so by being a positive role model, we teach them the right way to do things.
For example, if you are in a store and your child takes something from a shelf, despite you telling them not to touch it, what response would you have? Many parents would get angry and possibly smack their children. Someone practicing positive parenting would perhaps ask why they had picked up the item despite being told not to. Then they may go on to explain why the rule needs to be followed.
The parent who resorted to smacking should therefore not be surprised when they receive bad news such as this. “I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Jones, that Sophie hit Edward when he tried to play with a toy car.” The problem is that in Sophie’s mind, she was justified in her actions because she’d already told Edward she didn’t want the car touched.
This sort of mirroring isn’t just reflected in young children. Research shows that teenagers whose parents drink alcohol or smoke are far more likely to take up the habits. A detailed article can be read on this topic by visiting ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
If we want our children to act with kindness, consideration, and understanding towards others, then we must first ensure that is how we behave towards our children.
Benefit #3: Mutual Respect
One of the most important hallmarks of positive parenting is mutual respect. That is respect going both ways between parent and child.
Being respectful to your child means communicating with them in a kind and nurturing way and explaining why rules are made. Encouraging questions about rules, and having them repeated back to you to show understanding. By doing this, children are far more likely to follow them consistently.
The same thing can be done with consequences. If a rule is broken, it should be clear what the result will be. This is important because it allows the child to take ownership of their actions and makes you less of a villain for giving the pre-prescribed punishment.
It is also necessary to examine the reason behind why your child broke a rule or misbehaved. Consider if they are tired, hungry, upset, and so on. Show empathy and understanding and use this to help formulate your measured resolution, keeping everything calm and respectful.
Benefit #4: Greater Self-Esteem
With positive parenting, there are no bad children, just good or bad behavior. The focus becomes not punishment for acts that have happened but instead concentrates on providing tools to learn for the future.
Talk calmly, comfortingly, and without judgment. Explain what was not acceptable and why. Then discuss what the consequences for those actions will be. Check for understanding by asking for everything to be explained back to you. This helps your child make better choices in the future, builds self-esteem, and stimulates cognitive thinking skills.
When looking for solutions with older children, ask them for help with brainstorming and creating a set of rules and consequences. Giving this power helps with the balance of control, provides confidence, and generates a desire to please.
Filling The “Attention Jar”
Kids want more than just to be loved, nurtured, and kept safe. They want your attention. If a child can’t get it by being good, then they soon learn to get it by being bad. This is often at the heart of difficulties over bedtime, obeying rules, acting out, or sibling rivalry.
Providing sufficient attention isn’t that hard to do. It’s one thing for you to know you love your child, but another to let them know you love them. Try showing this by:
- Being present
- Showing interest in what they are doing
- Joining in with games
- Asking about their day
- And above all, telling them how much they mean to you and how proud you are
The other thing kids need is the ability to have some control. Making some of the decisions and choices for themselves. By denying this and dictating only your own ideas, you’ll soon see your kids start to fight back.
By providing your child with age-appropriate freedoms, you can build a sense of self, increase confidence, and help prepare them for adulthood.
Checks And Balances
Positive parenting isn’t just about showering your kids with love. They still need discipline; it’s how a child learns right from wrong and becomes a decent human being. But discipline needs to be measured and given in the right way.
Yelling and screaming teach nothing other than how to yell and scream. Instead, take a different approach, one where you view your children with respect and understanding.
Talk calmly about why a behavior is unacceptable, so the same mistake is not made again. If punishment is necessary, always try to make it directly related to the misdeed and not something completely unrelated. We also put some “checks and balances” in place. For example, my wife and I have committed ourselves to always putting out a final warning first before any form of “related punishment” is being activated… I think that is important to build trust, but also to be accountable to both our kids and ourselves.
I hope this has helped you understand more about why positive parenting is important and can be incredibly beneficial to creating a happy family. It assists you in making the best choices when disciplining your children.
To find out more about positive parenting and discover how I learned to be a positive parent myself, I’d love to invite you to check out my full review of Positive Parenting Solutions, which is an online course that teaches you all about how to become the mom or dad you ever dreamt of being!
What parenting techniques work well for you? Where are you struggling? Did ever try positive parenting yourself? How did it go? Did I miss something? If you have anything to add, please let me know in the comments below and let’s have a discussion! I’m looking forward to hearing from you!
Also, if you know anyone who might enjoy reading this article, please share it with them. You know how it goes: “Sharing is caring!” 🙂
P.S.: Did you EVER happen to yell at your child or call a timeout? Did you regret it afterwards? I certainly have, and I never felt good about it! If you want to learn how to put an end to this behavior, decode your kids and understand them so much better and become a calm parent, then make sure to read my FULL REVIEW of “Positive Parenting Solutions” HERE. This program changed our family’s life and we saw first results within just 3(!) days. And it will certainly work for you as well!