There are times in life when you can agree to disagree, right? Parenting is not one of those times. A child is something that you both have an active part in and often important choices need to be made that both of you must agree to.
Whether you’re both debating on how to discipline your child or something greater such as whether to homeschool your child, you’ll need to learn the art of compromising. Here are 3 IMPORTANT, yet SIMPLE tips for dealing with conflicting opinions on parenting.
Step 1 – Do Your Research with the Big Decisions
There are many big decisions that you need to agree on as parents – especially in the early days when your child can’t make these decisions for themselves. These include matters such as whether to get your child vaccinated, which foods they are allowed and what type of schooling they should get.
In such cases, you need to both do your research before coming to a decision. If you’re weighing up the decision as to whether to get your baby boy circumcised, this could include looking into health studies and learning about the procedure, of which you can view here. Make sure to also ask other parents and get their views as these can be just as valuable.
Such big decisions could involve getting help from a counselor if you’re both refusing to back down. Whatever you do, you shouldn’t go ahead and make the decision without your partner’s consent, such as getting a child vaccinated if your partner is stubbornly against it. It’s rare that both partners will have polar opposite extreme opinions on a topic and usually someone will compromise if the relationship is at stake.
Step 2 – Try to Solve Your Differences in Private
You don’t want to have arguments about parenting within earshot of your child – whilst this may not matter when they’re a baby, it could matter when they’re old enough to understand what’s going on. Children may start to doubt that they’re being raised properly if you and your partner are constantly arguing about parenting styles in front of them.
Save these discussions for when you’re in private. This means that if your partner tells some advice to your child or gives them a treat without your permission or scolds them unfairly, you should hold your tongue and wait until later to argue about it so that your child isn’t left confused. Only if your partner does something seriously wrong (e.g. hits your child, puts them in danger) should you address it there and then.
By the way: There is nothing wrong about having a good argument every now and then; but it’s vital to know HOW to argue as a couple. For more on this topic, make sure to check out the video below!
Step 3 – Don’t Complain About Your Partner’s Parental Style to Your Child
Try to avoid saying things like “your mom’s being mean” or “your mom doesn’t understand” – this could lead your child to think that one parent is the good parent and the other is the bad parent, which could lead to your child manipulating one of you to their advantage.
“Listen to your mother” is a much better response even if you disagree – you can argue with your partner about it later when your child isn’t around. You should never use your child as a bargaining chip. Support each other and create a sense of stability that your child can look up to.
Thanks for reading my article. If you liked it, please make sure to share it with your friends and family. That would really mean a lot to us here at ThatToyDad.com #SharingIsCaring 🙂
While we’re at it. I’ve recently published a review of “Positive Parenting Solutions”. It’s an online course about better parenting that I took recently and Amy, the coach, discusses the topic of how to deal with … in great detail there. If you haven’t, please make sure to check it out and see if it is for you!
If you have anything to add to this story, please leave a comment below. What do you think about compromising as parents? What are your favorite strategies? How do you and your partner go about it? Did you ever argue in front of your kids? How did it affect them? Please let me know in the comments below.
I wish you all the best!
Josh – Contributing Author
P.S.: If you REALLY want to level up your parenting skills and get rid of all the power struggles that can stand between our kids and us as moms or dads, then make sure to read my FULL REVIEW of “Positive Parenting Solutions” HERE.